I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
