Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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