dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
