Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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