I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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