Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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