eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was CRYING into my vagina
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
