no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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