You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
