FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Your penis caused this!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
