Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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