i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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