How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
