i jhust puked up my retainher.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
