my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
