She is in my trunk
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
