Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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