I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
