Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
