Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You were trust falling into bushes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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