Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
