It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
