i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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