after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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