No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
