It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
