i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
