we have pet lesbian snakes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
