this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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