Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
