for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
