Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
