mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
