Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
