Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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