I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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