We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
