Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
