I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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