I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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