Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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