I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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