I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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