out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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