I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
