yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
