pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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