apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
