i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
