We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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