I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
