when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
