textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
