Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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