she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
